Remembering what family is

It seems to me that this kind of advice is common sense, but I suspect that Eric and I were raised in unusual ways, and thus are raising our kids unusually — without any sense that it’s out of the ordinary, because to us it isn’t. In both of our cases our parent(s) (I was raised by a single mom), had no time to be with us because they were working 24/7. But they still managed to convey that they loved us deeply, and cherished their time with us. The distracted parents described in the essay I just linked to may very well be doing the same thing our parents were — but are at least physically present to their kids. Maybe that’s the problem? Maybe there is something about being physically present, but not really present, that is confusing to kids?

Maybe we need to find ways to be present in quiet, ways to be present that make it clear that we are NOT anywhere else (either emotionally or mentally)? I don't know.

I do know that we are a family who is fluent in digital literacies, and who also takes time to watch the candles burn quietly on a Christmas tree. That may mean we're chiding Nate to turn off his phone, or it might mean I have to let go of the grading I needed to get done, but those moments of quiet, together, are moments I keep returning to when I think of home.

My hope this new year is that families, however defined, can find ways to be in quiet with each other!