Being responsive vs. being responsible

It’s no secret that we are living through some difficult times at Luther these days. Given that reality, it was a blessing to be reminded by my brother-in-law that there’s a difference between being “responsive” and “responsible” — with the emphasis on “responsive” meaning that you can engage directly without taking responsibility for STUFF that belongs to other people. Christopher quotes a therapist making these distinctions:

• When I feel responsible for others…I fix, protect, rescue, control, carry their feelings and generally don’t listen.
• When I am responsive to others…I listen, show empathy, encourage, confront, share and am sensitive.
• When being responsible I feel…tired, anxious, fearful, and liable.
• When being responsive I feel…relaxed, free, and self-aware.
• When being responsible I care about…circumstances, solutions, answers, and being right.
• When being responsive I care about…feelings, relating one to one,and the (other) person making it on her own.
• When being responsible I expect…the (other) person to live up to my expectations.
• When being responsive I expect…the (other) person to be responsible for themselves.
• When being responsible I am…a manipulator.
• When being responsive I am…a helpful guide. </ul></blockquote>

  I'm working on being responsive. It's not easy.